A year of truths...so far

This has been a very truthful year so far, a time for facing up to stuff and being true (to myself mainly but also less plastic and more honest to other people).

I've changed a lot. I feel I'm fitting in to my own skin now at last (it's taken long enough!), and am not afraid to admit my eccentricities. I'm sick of being stifled by normalness and am happy being me. If people don't like my sentimentality, my love of animals, my soppiness and passions and my earthiness then that's a shame but I can't carry the guilt for that anymore.

I think I've been odd forever. I analyse everything far too much and most people I come into contact with affect me somehow quite deeply. I think it's because of my openess that people see me as an easy target but that's ok as long as I know.

Take for example the bumptious twit who lives next door. When he was 16 he used to escape to our house because we we're 'cool' and he had no friends. It probably helped that we drank and partied a lot too! Then, a few years on he decides that he's going to become a full-on friend of ours because he wants to. It also helps that he fancies my friend (he was 22, she was 30 and I'm older :o/) This friend, incidently, was also totally full on emotionally and told me she couldn't finish the college course without me as I was so strong The bloke next door was practically a virgin and a total emotional fuckwit.

So they got together but it didn't work (of course, I was mediator, marriage and sex counsellor, etc., etc....) He barely talks to me and she hasn't contacted me since she's had a new friend who's younger than me and single and open for girlie pulling nights out. By the way, this friend also snogged his younger brother who was only 16 at the time (that sounds wrong to me but hey ho what do I know, however, she is training to be a social worker?)

Mmmm, can you see something obvious here? Well, he had a barbeque on Saturday for loads of friends but didn't invite us (us being me and hubby - that's nice, thank you) so guess who's feeling hurt? Yes, it's me, kind of, except I knew it was coming so am feeling slightly smug at my 'rightness' of his judge of character. Guess who will not be invited back here for lots of free drinking and smoking after we've bumped into him at the pub. Who's loss I hear you say...well not mine. That's what I mean about truth. I admitted I was hurt to begin with and now I think 'fuck you'!

And guess what happened today? The brother of 'boy next door' (16 year old - who was snogged by my friend - who's now 17) asked to borrow my 12 year old sons bike today too - don't they get it that they've been rumbled for being a pair of using sods?

I spent years pretending that people's actions didn't bother me and now I've given myself permission to hurt...and then move on. It helps.

Had a chat with the doctor today about pains I've had in my eye and face and she thinks it's the optic neuritis raising it's ugly head again and asked if I was still under the neurologist. Not sure if I want to go back again as he told me I'd be diagnosed with MS if I had more symptoms so I said I'd let her know if the symptoms got worse or changed. It's good to note it on here as I don't want my kids to see anything written in the house and I have to keep a note of it.

Goodness, this all sounds quite mad but truthful and that's the main thing.