What a day

I'm feeling numb today.

We were up at 4.00am this morning as we had to go to Sheffield for my Uncle Pete's funeral. I say my auntie for the first time since her breast cancer and stroke and she looked very frail and vulnerable and completely broken and lost.

My mum and I were asked to sit in one of the funeral cars with my auntie and I felt really angry on the way to the crematorium. It's so unfair. My uncle was a really fit, outdoor-type man who loved nature and walking and bird watching and so was my auntie. Within the space of a couple of years, both of them have been struck by cancer, resulting in my uncle's death and my auntie's stroke. Niether of them are even near 70 and I still think of my auntie as my dad's little sister.

I get home to a text from a friend who tells me his dad has died today too. Is there anyone left in their 30s or 40s who still has a dad? What the fuck is going on?

I loved seeing my cousins and their children. My two boys get on so well with them you'd never guess they've only met a few times.

I loved the landscape up North too, it was just beautiful. I felt higher up (that sounds very mad but I'm sure the atmosphere must change when you're north of the Watford gap!)

I went into Tescos and the first Northern person I spoke to apologised for walking in front of me. He said 'sorry duck'. If I was at home down south I would have received an angry scowl, although there are lots of lovely people 'down south'.

I don't mean to sound bitter but I'm just feeling a bit raw that's all. It was a long drive there and back (about nine hours) and I'm very tired. Emotions were running high as I went to Yorkshire for the first time in years and saw all my Dad's family, although of course he wasn't there.

I've been worrying all day about my cats and dog who have been let out by a neighbour and the hedgehogs who I didn't even have time to check on this morning before we left. I felt so relieved when I got back and they were all still zzzzzing away!

I put little Dylan hoggie in Tumble and babies' run tonight while I cleaned him out and when I went back outside the girls had come out to see him. It was very sweet but he looked very scared (they are bloody big babies!!!) He needs worming again too as I've heard him coughing a couple of times.

Looking forward to releasing Tumble (my blind hedgehog) in a lovely enclosed garden not far from where I live and as soon as she goes next Friday the babies can go too as they're all ready now really.

I need sleep now.....night night xx